Starting to Figure it Out

Two things just came to mind today.
1. It does exist
2. Do what you love, it is that simple

I love to travel and write about it and if I keep doing that eventually something will come of it.
Its time to get back on the road. The road of MY choosing. If I learned anything from this summer of "being paid to travel" its that there is still so much to explore. Even in America I found I was stumbling on things I thought were dead. Things I always were truly the American experience. They are still out there! Today I walked into a bathroom ( this is going to sound funny) I'd never been in to this bathroom before. The minute I shut the door and hung up my purse it hit me. I like to go into new bathrooms (the larger picture being I like to go to new places~ its a weird leap I know) but being in there I suddenly had flashbacks to all teh different place I "went" this summer. Haha, that is a little joke but you get my drift? Maybe?
I've been sitting here thinking as I always do at the end of such a big adventure "well, that was fun, what do I do with that new knowledge or experience?" "is that the endgame I've been looking for?" "does that last adventure fulfill enough of my list to keep me happy?" its a tough call...not really. The happiest I've ever been was when i was traveling in Europe. I was healthy and happy and the world was mine. I think its going to be okay to save up some money and go do it again. I mean, getting to Europe and having to leave was what spurred me on to pursuing a job I could potentially make money from and ALSO travel. Well, there was no money to be made, I didn't even break even, which was expected but still disappointing. So I'm back to square one. I enjoyed the tour guiding alot but the thing I enjoyed the most (one of teh things, there were three) was the people I had in my van! I like to take care of people. though I may not be the best at the details of when a park was built or how a canyon was found or formed I liked to take people there and show them how amazing it was.
The other things I liked were seeing so much amazing country (2500 miles) for the first time! How fantastic, oh the miles of exploration!! And the hiking into the parks and seeing amazing scenery and smelling the trees and the dirt and the air it was great. I was outside, finally! Though life was pretty darn complicated it was also very simple. Suitcase, hiking shoes, hat, backpack water bottle. Then followed up by a good meal and on to the next amazing place.
After all of that I still say that I'd like to travel again. I'd like to continue to mess up buses and trains and planes and over pack and struggle to find my way. I live for the suffering I inflict on myself when I do that. Its always comforting to come through something like that adn realize I'm strong enough to do it and what's next?!
That's what I'll work towards. Its the answer (generally speaking~I've never known the answer) I've never been able to say I know what I want to do when I grow up. Though having a list of things I've attempted and checking them off on a scale of likes and dislikes I'm getting it more figured out everyday.
You've all heard me say this speech how many times now...we'll lets see, a year and a half since I completely upset my life and tried to find that thing that makes me happy or that thing to look forward to. Traveling. Thats it, and by saying traveling that leaves the picture big enough for me to attempt anything within its definition.
Now to get that pesky job and work my ass off and get on the road! Its time to GO!

I want to say something about #1 (see above) I was watching a movie the other day where two people were standing against a railing in Nice France and the sun was gleaming off the water and they were taking in the beautiful city and I remember, a couple of years ago, I used to think...only in the movies does that sort of moment exist. But that isn't true, I know that now. I've seen the sun glint off the water while I sat at a beautiful beach bar and watched the yachts and the people and seen the city and it does exist. And its attainable.

So I have my motivation.

One thing some of you have heard me mention is the loneliness that comes with continuing to move around but I answered that question the other day without realizing it, if I move to Boise (for example) and meet some guy and that whole thing, for me, life would be over. I said it aloud. I've obviously not met the right person or found the right place or seen enough of the world to feel in my heart that life wouldn't be "over" if I stopped moving. It was pretty telling. Sometimes I just want to get married and have children and a house and garden and then I talk about it to someone and I finish that sentence with "and that's it, life would be over" and I know....